the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
