omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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