my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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