I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
