Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
