People with herpes should wear stickers.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
