you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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