i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The air was thick with penises
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
