I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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