i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
