Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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