Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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