It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
