Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
