No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How external is "for external use only"?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
