Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
