She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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