he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
