1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
3 2 1 whiskey
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
