Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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