it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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