i barfeds in our rink
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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