I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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