yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
