remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
