yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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