yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
