He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
