You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
