Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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