I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
