The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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