Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Boobs speak an international language.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
