my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
