can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
