My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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