Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
