Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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