We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
