you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My ass is underappreciated
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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