chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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