I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Found your dick twin last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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