I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
