sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
