i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
