Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
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