ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
