if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
