when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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