No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She bit a glass in half.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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