How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am puke
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
