I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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