Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
