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Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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